Love again?

There's this little thing that is bothering me. But it is none of my business so I know that I have no right to be butting in. But something about it bothers me.

There's this person I know, from looking at the way he interacts, I guess he is struggling to get over a breakup. Tapi aku ani salah-salah jua kan bercakap arahnya, pasal aku inda sure jua apa situation nya sebenarnya. Aku agak-agak saja. Lagipun it's none of my business jua bah, karang kana ucap busybody saja. Tapi iatah ni, kalau ia membaca baik. Kalau inda pun, at least the rest of my readers here can take some insight into what I am going to say, because this isn't just for him, but for everyone jua.

I guess his situation bothers me because I just don't expect that from men. Being all vulnerable like that. Growing up with all girl siblings, I don't have anyone who I can sort of 'study' and see how men work. The five years spent in an all-girls school didn't help either. There is so much I still need to learn about the male species.

And also, there are so many other things that are important in life than moping over a breakup, checking her blog everyday for updates or stalking her Facebook profile to see whether she has moved on with another guy.

I watch Korean drama series and see these men crying over some 'first love' that they had but lost or something. Come on. Luan jua kan wear their heart on their sleeve like that. Yes, I'm still skeptical. Awu payah ni kan meng-convince aku. A guy friend described me as hard to impress. I guess I am. Haha, well that aside...

Sometimes it is much easier being single. Then again it's different for everyone. I think sudah merasai and sangal sudah kan bercinta putus bercinta putus ani, ataupun suka someone tapi inda dapat, the cycle goes on. Pandai jua kelamuan akhnirnya.

A friend of mine who got engaged recently said, 'when you fight and get so angry but know that not being together is not an option, that's when you know!'. It made me smile silly and say "aww that's sweet". I couldn't help it, banar jua tu bah. No relationship can go on without arguments, big or small. But at the end of the day, it's about being together and compromising. Inda kan kelahi sikit saja sudah kan give up. And mun sudah both parties are willing to work for the relationship atu, that's already a huge step. Relationships require lots of responsibility, maturity and putting ego aside from BOTH individuals. Kalau rasa-rasanya balum ada all those three, bah baiktah jangan dulu kan serious-serious bercinta kan kahwin apa ani. Sort yourself out first.

My cousin once said to me way back when I was a tween (I think I've mentioned this before), kalau kan bercinta, try to avoid taking it very seriously, karang udah putus menangis saja merana. I didn't understand it before, being a tween and all, udahtah inda kana suruh berboyfriend =p. Now that aku sudah merasai, it makes sense. Go with the flow, see where it leads to.

Moving on is not easy, it hardly ever is. But like anything else, once you get round to doing it, it'll be easier to make progress. One little step at a time. Is her name still in your text message inbox? Sanang saja: Mark all > Delete > Confirm delete > Yes > Marked messages deleted. Just a few clicks of the button, one step is over. Kalau boleh buang tia dulu barang-barang yang ada kaitan sama ia. Kalau inda sampai hati kan membuang, taruh somewhere you won't ever think of looking. Param bawah katil kah, arah belakang almari kah, dalam stor kah. And when you do come across the things maybe in a year or two, or when you move out of the house, and you go through the things, you'll be more ready. And you might just realise that the feelings you had for her dulu were just that. Feelings. Nothing but feelings. By that time hopefully you would have already gotten over her. And when you look through the stuff again you might just find yourself smiling and saying to yourself, "what was I thinking?". You'd probably laugh at yourself for being so vulnerable during the post-breakup.


When I was still in the UK, I thought of buying this book . It is sort of the follow-up to He's Just Not That Into You, which i have a copy of (I bought it two years ago, pre-Hollywood feature movie, okay). But I contemplated on buying it, pasal bila masa jua ku kan ber-relationship ber-breakup ani lagi. Hehe. Kan ku jadikan untuk light reading saja, sayang jua duit. So biar tia inda ku jadi membali.

This might sound lame, but He's Just Not That Into You actually in some way helped me to get over my first relationship. If you've watched the movie but not the book, the book is actually in the format of a self-help book. Tips and examples and agony aunt style questions and stuff. But it was simple and straight to the point. A real eye-opener for those stupefied by love. So kalau rasa-rasanya you need a little boost, I might suggest getting that book. As pathetic as it sounds, it might actually help. Ada tu berjual di Best Eastern :)

Aku hairan how orang yang bercintan-cintun masa muda-muda ani boleh express their love so blatantly in public and to each other. Using the word 'forever'. Aduuii lai, perkataan 'forever' ani rasaku Allah saja yang layak menggunakan. Plastik sampah lagi reput di alam sekitar, walaupun batah (awu, nya iklan di RTB ah), apatah lagi cinta monyet, cinta remaja.

Masa ku ber-boyfriend dulu takut ku kan pakai perkataan 'forever', 'I love you' apa ani. You don't know if you will really be forever with this guy, if you will 'love' him eventually. Ujung-ujungnya putus jua kan? Tapi masa ku ber-darling dulu atu, TERcakap 'I love you' atu ada jua lah. Sometimes him first, sometimes me. Happy chemicals running high kan, inda hairan kalau terluah perkataan 'love' atu. So disambut tah jua with 'I love you too'. Kejam jua kan kalau dibalas sama 'me too' saja, or worse, 'mmmhmm'. Aduii macam naive jua dulu atu. Layan saja tia bah kan.

If you don't agree with what I said so far, please feel free to disagree. I am not forcing anyone to take what I said as advice, you can take it as a point of view. Kalau agree, yay ada orang sama otak macam aku =p If your perception has changed after reading this, Alhamdulillah, ada jua orang mau mendengar cakap ku, walaupun inda bertauliah and macam inda tantu bunyinya.

I'm in no way endorsing relationships before marriage. Aku bercerita ani based on experience, and keadaan semasa, relevant to who I am concerned about. Kalau sudah rasanya kan bertunang atu, Alhamdulillah, one step closer to making your relationship halal. Tapi kalau ada yang masalah relationship nya ani macam inda abis-abis, chill tah dulu. Bukan chill kan give up minta putuskan eh! Chill as in take a step back, look at what the relationship needs and doesn't need. Constantly evaluate your relationship. As you grow personally, your relationship grows. If it goes the other way and you find that things are not working well even after you've tried your best, you know what that means. In lack of less cheesy words, it's not meant to be.

Here are two articles I find very helpful, and are straight to the point. Baca jangan inda baca.

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/10-virtually-instant-ways-to-improve-your-life.html

http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=2047