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Whenever I'm around people who know so much about Islam and pay so much attention to the Islamic rules, I feel sort of intimidated and embarrassed in a way. When I see Muslim sisters covered head to toe without a curve in sight, I feel sort of naked, even if I cover each part of my body with clothing.

I'm really grateful though that I got to know these people and they are so helpful, not once have they judged me or scoff or made fun of me when I asked them even the simplest questions that one should know the answer to from religious school. Of course, like every sensible person I try to find the answer myself first before asking, my main consultation is Google hehe. But I check many different (and reputable) sources first before coming to a conclusion because you can't believe everything you read on the Internet. Or I try to back it up with the existing Islamic literature I have with me. Alhamdulillah, I'm not alone. These sisters actually inspired me to help others who have this sort of predicament - wanting to learn more about Islam and embrace it but don't know where to start.

I am grateful that these people have actually already existed in my life (plus proving the point that Brunei is too darn small, no sixth degree- or one degree for that matter- of separation exists) long before my decision has been made. And like socialising, I get to know friends of these friends of these friends. The sisterhood multiplies every time :)

Being pious doesn't mean that you throw your social life away; you just renew it (find more new friends), or refresh it (reconnect with existing friends), or repair it (slowly disengage from the 'unhealthy' and find better relations). I think maybe that's one of the limitations that people see in being religious - that you can't go out and make friends, socialise and have fun. It depends on what kind of friends you are making, what activities you are doing to socialise and what your definition of fun is. I've been around these girls and they are just like you and I. Except they are happy being in love with The One.

For a start (and to maintain the stability of iman) I always try to do the simple things - wear headscarf, pray your daily prayers, supplement those prayers with the obligatory prayers, read the Quran. I read in a book, which I can't quote by who because it's currently being borrowed by Noor (=p) that even though changing your lifestyle is hard, and you fear that you may face adversity, you still have to force yourself to do it. At first it may seem like a nuisance to you, something to hard to do, but in the long run you will start getting used to it, do it as a routine and then grow to love it genuinely.

I once had a phase where I felt naked without my headscarf on. I felt weird not wearing it. At that time maybe it was because my head felt light, or I was conscious because I never really cared for how my hair looked. Slowly after that it was so easy to take off and then it was just gone. I'm ashamed. Being ashamed to society is one thing, which I'm not too fazed about by the way. So aku dulu pakai tudong, kononnya alim, then I dressed down for a couple of years and then pakai tudong balik. People will and have said things, but that's human nature right? I'm more embarrassed at myself, to Allah and to my parents. At myself for not sticking to my principles. To Allah because I chose to ignore His commands. To my parents because even though they taught me right, I still did them wrong.

Finding inner peace is not easy, and the road to self-purification and excellence is a hard one to reach. Maybe doing the simple things will pave the way to being a better Muslim and a better person as a whole.